Looking for a little input...if you've been there

I have been dating an Army SGT for 17 months today. I have been married before, almost 10 years. So has my BF. Although married before, in the short time he/I have been together I have felt more in love than I ever did with the man I married. Since my SGT and I have been together we have had time together frequently but also had times where he has went away for 30 days then come home for about 2 weeks, then left again for 60 days. He's been home for months, then left for temporary duty for an unspecified time at the moment. We don't live together, but when he's home we spend a lot of time together. When he's away I write him EVERY day and we text every time we can, and of course he calls when possible too. Right now he's on temporary duty, where he's been gone since November. I have been able to visit him a few times (including this week) while my children are with their father. My question to you is..... Before you married your SO did you ever wonder if you could marry someone that you might spend very little time with? I already know that I want to marry my SGT...in due time...no rush. I know there are LOTS of advantages sometimes with a long distance relationship, but also disadvantages. What things did YOU consider when you were deciding if marrying into the military was for you? I've never dated an active soldier before. I don't want anything else. Just wondering what it would be like and what things YOU considered. Your input...positive or realistic...please

I never thought about it. A little time with him is better than not being with him at all. I think everyone thinks about it before marring a military person but if you really love them then you can do long distance.

To be honest, I don't think about it either.

I don't spend time worrying about how little time we have together. I focus on when we ARE together.

I never considered anything. However, I was with my (now) husband 5 years before he joined so there was already a good foundation...

I think... I think that you become satisfied in your relationship when you no longer worry about questioning how much time you spend together (in terms of military...) It never really crosses my mind...it's not a burden on my marriage/relationship at all.

It is what it is, I take each day as they come, and I enjoy the moments that we DO have together...

I agree with Jeannette...I never even really think about it.

Thanks for your input ladies. I really don't think about it too much most times. I live in my house and he lives in his when in town anyway. He has 2 girls that their mother never lets him see when he's not at her house and I only get my 2 boys every other full week. When they're with me I try to spend ALL my time with them and make up for lost time with him when they leave. We text every day, he calls whenever possible and I write him EVERY DAY he is away. Although I have already planned out 80% of the details of that day (still VERY far off), I think sometimes that perhaps I'm not considering all sides.

He's been away often and my boys haven't seen him in a while, but they know we're still together. I was thinking the other day how they would feel if we married and he deployed...maybe not much different than they feel about him now...but who knows.

How old are your boys? Have they spent anytime with him?

If you're looking at pushing forward and possibly thinking about marriage, I know you said you like to spend "ALL" your time with your boys when you have them but...

When your SO is in town, is he included in that? To make it work, all parties, including kids, should be included in time together.

My boys have met hiim yes. They enjoy his company. Things are just so busy that we don't have time to really enjoy each other's company when they are with me. My kids are 6 and 10. My 6 year old refers to my BF as "his homie". LOL

We've both just recently dealt with divorce so NO HURRY on jumping right back in.

He's great with them.

Aww. That's awesome! "Homie"

Jeannette wrote:How old are your boys? Have they spent anytime with him?

If you're looking at pushing forward and possibly thinking about marriage, I know you said you like to spend "ALL" your time with your boys when you have them but...

When your SO is in town, is he included in that? To make it work, all parties, including kids, should be included in time together.

I agree with this..... I think IF you guys are going to eventually be a family.... the sooner you can start acting like one, the better. But only if you are SURE!

I think children are much more resilient than anyone gives them credit for. I mean they are smart, they understand things.... they'll understand that mommy's boyfriend is a firm fixture in their lives, regardless of deployment, if you enforce it, KWIM? Maybe involve them when making the care packages, let them mail your BF a picture or a little note?? I mean you can get them involved without pushing them..... I think just getting them involved is the best way to move forward with that.... don't push for their affection, that takes time after divorce, but DO involve them!

In regards to your relationship the other ladies said it best.... to me the army was not a big deal.... It didn't even occur to me that our relationship was different from others.... every relationship has obstacles.... and the army/ long distance was one of ours.... that's it.... but like every relationship it is either strong enough to overcome all obstacles or it's not.... it's really that simple!

Yeah they have sent him little notes here and there. Or they will do things and insist that I take pics with my camera phone and send it to him. I think my 6yo likes him best. My 10yo does too, but he's going through a lot right now -with the crap that his Daddy is doing with his new GF and all.

One day the boys wrote letters to my BF. He hadn't received them yet because, as usual, mail was screwed up. I told them that I really didn't read them before they closed them up or I would be more than happy to relay what they said in case they got really lost. My 10yo recounted what he said. Then my 6yo said "I just said you're a great guy. I miss you. I love you." My 10yo FREAKED. He said "Why did you write 'I love you', he's not your Dad?" My 6yo said "Cuz I do, he's cool." Oddly enough, after that short incident, my 10yo said "I wish I would have wrote I love you on my letter too." (tearing up as I wrote that)

Aww... your kids are so sweet.

I asked my oldest today if my DB and I were to get married and he deployed if it would bother him not seeing him. He said "we really don't see him a lot right now cuz he's gone a lot. He's fighting so nothing happens to our country so it's kind of a good thing. If you love him and it doesn't bother you it doesn't bother me."

Your oldest sounds so adorable.

We have been married for 2 years and he just left for basic. But before we even started dating I knew that he would be going into the Army. It was the main thing he talked about. In the beginning of our relationship, he wasn't *supposed* to be anything more than a rebound boyfriend. I just couldn't get rid of him I don't really think I considered anything special knowing that I would become a military wife. I just knew that I love him and always will.

Funny you should mention the rebound boyfriend and not being able to get rid of him. When I met DB I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, more of a person to spend time with. Then he just grew on me. Now I can't imagine life without him. Hell he's been in the Army since we met. I was reminded today that it's his "career". Of course, duh, it's been his job for 21 years. Thanks for the input. I'm really liking this board.

That's the best KIND of boyfriend! ...The one you're not looking for.

Glad to hear you're liking it here!

Hang in there! Relationships involving kids are tough (we are dealing with our own stuff right now) Our kids are much younger, but I think like someone said above is true with kids being flexible. Being that your kids are older, it's nice that they can tell you exactly how they are feeling. Stay Strong!

DH's original plan for the Navy was he was going to get in for 4 years and get out, so by the time I finished college, he would get out and come home and we would move on. Something else happened though, he fell in love with the Navy. I told him I didn't want to be a military wife, I didn't want to move around, but I would do it for him.

3 1/2 years later I can't see my life any other way. I love being a military spouse. I love the Navy. I don't like the separations, but as the other girls said, it's just a part of our life now. It sucks and I miss him, but I pick up and move on. If you love him, you will too.

You're kids sound like they have a great head on their shoulders.

jnavywife wrote:DH's original plan for the Navy was he was going to get in for 4 years and get out, so by the time I finished college, he would get out and come home and we would move on. Something else happened though, he fell in love with the Navy. I told him I didn't want to be a military wife, I didn't want to move around, but I would do it for him.

3 1/2 years later I can't see my life any other way. I love being a military spouse. I love the Navy. I don't like the separations, but as the other girls said, it's just a part of our life now. It sucks and I miss him, but I pick up and move on. If you love him, you will too.

You're kids sound like they have a great head on their shoulders.

I'm glad to hear that sometimes you can think you don't wanna be a military wife but then end up one. I have never doubted I wanted to marry my BF but I have to say that last week when he just returned from TDY and was now talking about deployment before the end of the year for an unspecified time I did wonder if I knew what I was getting myself into. Luckily, neither one of us is in HURRY to marry, since we are both freshly out of another relationship, so by the time it gets to that point I should KNOW. I love him SO much I can't see my life without him though, so although I have my "moments" the heart wants what it wants. I told my Dad I only plan to marry twice. I believe you make mistakes, so this next time I marry is FOREVER. Here's to hoping it's as an Army wife to my dearest loving SGT.