*scream*

MY DB IS IN TIMEOUT!

I know thats such a terrible thing to do while he's deployed but he has be so flippin' that if he writes me this next week its going to be a giant

I'm too upset to type it all out but to give you ladies a clue of why I'm so upset...

I spoke to my DB's mother. We were on the topic of miscarriages...she was telling me how her mom had 2 then I started in with how difficult mine was...his mothers response "wait what do you mean you had a miscarriage"

ARE YOU F'IN kidding me?

He NEVER told his mom that we were and that it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy so we had to terminate. I had to spill the beans on that one. THANK GOD his mother was so sweet about it but I felt like a total jackass. How the hell do you keep something like that from your own mother?

That's just one of about 5 reasons of why he's in timeout....I've never been more sad, angry, depressed, upset, embarrassed, and appalled in my entire life.
I wrote him an e-mail expressing how I felt and he can sit on that for a while.

He has some SERIOUS tough love heading his way...

I'm sorry he is an ass. I would be a little angry too.

Well let me try to see this through his eyes...with it being an ectopic pregnancy you probably weren't far along...I know a lot of people who don't tell until after the first trimester because there are so many things that can go wrong within the first trimester people don't want to get others to excited. Kwim? Maybe he was a little scared. I think it would probably be best to talk to him instead of being mad at him. But thats just my opinion.

I agree with Tate. We were TTC for so long I didn't want to tell too many people when we finally did get pregnant. Maybe he didn't want to tell her you were TTC since you aren't married? Are they old-fashioned like that?

His parents are a bit old fashioned....

He's been impossible to talk to lately. So cold. He doesnt communicate his emotions very well as is...

All he's been doing is flipping out on me lately. for example, I was under the impression that we were going to be engaged when he gets back.....as of last night...he feels otherwise...
He totally on me when I told him his mom sent me this email about us getting married. He flipped when he saw that I'm wearing a ring on a very important finger...i told him Ive been doing that since he left because when I would sometimes take myself out to dinner id get harassed by a bunch of young marines and their token line was "i dont see a ring on your finger" So i fixed that real quick and now I dont even have to worry about being bothered. Instead of him thinking that he has a faithful, honest, and trustworthy girlfriend waiting for him back home...i get yelled at for wearing a ring...

I just dont know what to think or how to feel right now. It's like everything just came crashing down all at once.
He went from this "I love you" "I miss you" "Stay strong, I'm here for you and will be home soon" guy to the biggest jerkoff...

I cant even bring myself to write him right now. This entire situation has me so upset, even the thought of eating makes me feel sick. I feel like I have a really rough week ahead of me....
I sure hope he comes around...

Thanks for the ear ladies...I really appreciate it.

Let me put some man perspective behind it (even though I'm not a man, but as someone who has deployed I think I can help you understand):

There is no "emotional time" when you are deployed. You eat, sleep, and breathe what is going on around you. The more you think about home, the harder it is. So you kind of emotionally detatch from the people you care about. It's a coping mechanism.

I can understand him being upset about the ring thing for 2 reasons. 1. If he is old-fashioned like you said his family is, that's a pretty symbolic gesture to be taken so lightly. 2. My husband would ask why I was going places I would be hit on. I know sometimes it's unavoidable (trust me, I worked with Marines for many years) but when my DH is gone I rarely go out. And nobody would talk to me because I give off the "don't talk to me" vibe. So maybe he is confused about where you are going and why you need the ring.

I hope you don't think I am taking his side, just trying to give you some perspective. It does feel good to b*tch about it though, so we are always here to listen to you!

Alright.

Hmm.

I don't know what to say about the ectopic pregnancy. Alot of people keep pregnancy hush-hush until after the 1st trimester. I didn't tell anyone except for my husband until after I was 12-13 weeks. Also, you can't go flipping out on your boyfriend for not telling his mother. Why should he tell his mother? It's your guys' business. It could have either upset him to the point where he didn't WANT to discuss it with her. OR...it's just plainly none of her business. Some things are better not said. Sometimes, mothers don't NEED to know everything about everything.

Second. The ring. When my husband was my boyfriend, he would have flipped the fuck out if I wore a ring on my finger that wasn't official. The reason behind it is this...you shouldn't be putting yourself in situations where you're being ASKED about your ring, or lackthereof.

Third. Like Liz said, when they're deployed, they leave their emotions on a shelf. My husband and I (for the most part) avoid hardcore relationship/family/love discussion while he's gone. You can't get mad at your boyfriend for his attitude. Most of the time when you're talking to him, he's probably only half-assed listening because he's sore, thinking about training, thinking about something USMC-related, or he's just plain damn tired.

Put yourself in his shoes. He's a million miles away, his girlfriend is having a conversation with his mother about miscarriages, and she's wearing a ring to avoid men from pursuing her. He's thinking this..."Why?"

Keep your head up, vent all you want...but think if you were in his shoes too.

Liz wrote:Let me put some man perspective behind it (even though I'm not a man, but as someone who has deployed I think I can help you understand):

There is no "emotional time" when you are deployed. You eat, sleep, and breathe what is going on around you. The more you think about home, the harder it is. So you kind of emotionally detatch from the people you care about. It's a coping mechanism.

I can understand him being upset about the ring thing for 2 reasons. 1. If he is old-fashioned like you said his family is, that's a pretty symbolic gesture to be taken so lightly. 2. My husband would ask why I was going places I would be hit on. I know sometimes it's unavoidable (trust me, I worked with Marines for many years) but when my DH is gone I rarely go out. And nobody would talk to me because I give off the "don't talk to me" vibe. So maybe he is confused about where you are going and why you need the ring.

I hope you don't think I am taking his side, just trying to give you some perspective. It does feel good to b*tch about it though, so we are always here to listen to you!

Hey girl!

I really appreciate your outlook...It really made me feel better. The XO's wife gave me 5 or 6 deployment books as well as a LINKS binder to read. She thinks it will help me better understand why my DB is the way he is.
About the ring...I'm not bar hoping or anything. I go out to my fav mexican place *usually eat alone* and EVERY TIME i go in there i get bugged by someone. It makes me crazy so I decided to wear a ring...ever since i did that...NO ONE has bothered me...

I do feel better after I bitched. I'm looking forward to reading these books and if I have any questions about it...would you mind if I asked you?

Thanks J

This whole deployment thing is just a lot harder than I thought.

I'm going to do my best to try and learn more about what it truly means for him to be deployed.
I have a ton of info here + I have you ladies too...

Thanks for being so awesome!

I wasn't implying you are going out to the bars. Going anywhere in Jacksonville can get you hit on. The most excitement I have had going out in the past year was going through 2 drive thrus in one day. I know it sucks, but it's the nature of the beast. DH and I got in a fight because he said I ALWAYS go out. I go to school, the gym, and grocery shopping. In his head that's like a party. Just be patient. A lot of times there are like 50 other guys around so they don't want to get all gushy emotional. I'm here and have been through this lots of times in case you have any questions.

2 drive-thrus in ONE DAY?! You skanky lady you.

Chris freaked out on me in a letter because I went out after work once to a pub. Once I got to talk to him (which was just this week) he said it had just been a really crappy month and that he knows I'm not constantly going out and leaving Connor with my mom. And he's only in basic! I have no real words of wisdom like Liz and Jeanette. I have been through less than you. But I figured I'd share that...

Gina...you rock!!! haha just wanted to say it.

Liz wrote:I wasn't implying you are going out to the bars. Going anywhere in Jacksonville can get you hit on. The most excitement I have had going out in the past year was going through 2 drive thrus in one day. I know it sucks, but it's the nature of the beast. DH and I got in a fight because he said I ALWAYS go out. I go to school, the gym, and grocery shopping. In his head that's like a party. Just be patient. A lot of times there are like 50 other guys around so they don't want to get all gushy emotional. I'm here and have been through this lots of times in case you have any questions.

Thanks Liz....Its just been super hard. I still havent heard back from him but I'm not expecting to anytime soon. I've just been keeping myself busy the best I can. I just wish he wouldnt act like such a jerk off sometimes.

Shaunna wrote:Gina...you rock!!! haha just wanted to say it.

Thanks girl. I'm just a crazy New York/ Connecticut gal thats trying to lose the "accent"