He left yesterday...

I don't know many people on this site yet, but I just wanted to get this out to people who understand...

Boyfriend left yesterday morning. I dropped him off at 4:45 in the morning but stayed around with him for an extra hour or so. That entire time I couldn't let go of him, I kept not wanting to believe that the next time he walked away from me would be the last time I would see him for seven months. This is his third deployment, my first with him.

When they said he had to come over and start loading the trucks, I kissed him, hugged him, and said "I'll see you later." He kissed me on the forehead and looked in my eyes and mouthed "Wait for me." Which I am going to do. As I drove away, I watched in the rear view mirror and saw him watching me drive away, until I could no longer see him as I turned the corner. That was the point I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I cried like I have not cried in a long time. I had a hard time breathing and quite literally felt like someone had sucker-punched me in the gut. Breathing was a chore, and so was seeing so I had to pull off the side of the road and gather myself so I didn't get into a wreck. After, I went home and showered, and went to work as usual.

The rest of the day is a blur, I quite literally don't remember much beyond crying at everything that reminded me of him. As I'm typing this and remembering yesterday I have a few tears running down my cheeks. I feel slightly embarrassed and very sappy but right now I don't care too much.

I went to sleep last night very early since yesterday was an emotional roller coaster. I woke up twice and the first time I panicked because he wasn't there...I didn't I had gotten that used to him being there. Today I woke up and proceeded like normal, worked out, came to school, and just keeping busy in general. Have already written him two e-mails and gotten a box to put together a care package. I feel slightly psychotic but again, I don't care. All I can do is stay busy and just wait for him to come home safe and sound. There will still be tears at random points, but I'm hoping they'll be fewer and far between. August better come soon...

Sorry bout that, I just had to get it out.

You're not crazy. And you can cry as much as you want to!

The first week or so is ALWAYS hard until you get into a good routine. I like to follow the rule of "Anger, Grief, Acceptance."

When my husband left this time, I was mad, the next day I was just dead upset about it. After that, I kept trucking on. It hits me every so often...but I've accepted that..."Yep. Gone again."

Just stay optimistic. You sound like you keep yourself plenty busy which is a great plus. The hard part is over, now you can countdown until he comes home!